Trying to find my spot in the world.
09/10/2010
"...I basically had a life crisis. I felt like I was the only person in the world that could not figure out what they wanted to do. For a while, I was struggling with feeling like a failure..."
I have had a vision of what I am "meant to be" since I was 12. When I pictured myself as an adult, I always saw myself dressed in business attire and running around like a chicken with its head cut off. I never figured out the career, but I always knew it would end up being high-energy and high-stress.
On a happier note, within the past few years, I have figured out the general area for my career. That area would be media. That's not high-energy or high-stress at all! ;)
If there is one thing that freshmen need to know, it is that life is a journey. I can be really impatient at times, and I have been forced to learn this life lesson on my own.
Stressed.
Yes, I started in marketing and hated it. After that, I basically had a life crisis. I felt like I was the only person in the world that could not figure out what they wanted to do. For a while, I was struggling with feeling like a failure. Honestly, a lot of that stems from me being too hard on myself (people have always told me this and I know there is some truth to it). But at this point, I truly felt like I had lost my identity and I did not have a place in the world. I began to explore different career paths; I even explored law for a little while. I did a lot of reading, spoke with the local judge and even bought the LSAT practice book. Wow, do I have a passion for that sort of thing. However, after a lot of thought, I just do not think I can be a lawyer for the rest of my life. Talk about not wanting a career that is black or white. I always came back to my interest in media, every single time.
So it is obvious I want a career within the field, but now it is time to figure out the specifics. I enjoy the writing that comes with the media profession. I do not think I would enjoy something such as technical writing; however, I do think I would enjoy editing. Also, I love reading the opinion columns in newspapers; as a matter of fact, I wrote an opinion article on the Indiana Blue Laws. I have not had the chance to submit it yet; part of the reason is because I am scared and the other is because I make excuses about being busy. I mean, I really am busy, but I am sure I could have set aside time by now. To me, the article almost represents a "this is it" type of thing. It means a lot to me, what if it fails?
The reason for the article is somewhat funny. During my lunch break at work, I was doing my usual -- reading the newspaper, eating junk etc. I came across an opinion article written in support of the Blue Laws. To make a long story short, the article infuriated me so much, I took the time to cut it out and take it home. I even highlighted all the statements that made me the angriest (I know, EXTREME, but it gets better). When I arrived home, I placed it on my dresser so I could see it every single day. From that point forward, that was my motivation to write. To this day, I still have that article displayed in my room.
Saying my line in our skit. Leadershape helped me by asking the question, "What job would you do for free?"
So that brings me to my dream. I could not figure out why this article meant so much to me and why I was obsessed with it. I thought to myself on numerous occasions that I would love to write about issues for a living. I believe this world is wrong in so many ways, and I want people to know it through my writing.Then one day, a friend approached me and said, "You know what you should do for a living? You should be a critic. You would be great at it." BINGO. It was like my world came together. When I think about this, I want to puke from excitement. I am not sure if I should be elated or insulted by my friend's remark of being a critic, but it makes me feel good nonetheless.
So there you have it, my dream. It seems so unrealistic to me at times and makes me incredibly nervous. I can see it, but now I have to figure out how to get there. I would say the first step would be not being such a wimp about submitting my Blue Law article. I'm not afraid of people disagreeing with me, you will always have haters. I am afraid of failing. But I need to get over that.
