2009 Blogs

Confidence

10/10/2009

I have this problem called self-confidence- I guess you could say it is more self-esteem but I really do enjoy myself... not to be prideful in any way. I feel like I have come such a long way that I really don't want to give up now. I know how hard things are going to be for me and I am willing to work through that but half the time I just want to run away from everything and find some far off place to live. Of course that is fantasy for me. I will never be able to get away from everything. What I would like to be is confident of myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and actually not care what I really look like. I try not to think about physical appearances but how can I when it is a part of each and every day. I have to strive to look my age... everyone always tells me that I will love it when I am thirty and really I just wish people would stop saying that. I don't care about my height or weight- I just want to be normal. Like everyone else and I don't want to give up now. I am afraid to call you and afraid to come over- I don't hang out with my friends and even though I don't have much time for it... I would rather not be mistaken for their daughter! I keep trying to do different things to make people actually look at me like an adult but I want to give up. No one takes me seriously as if I were a child. I'm not a child so quit laughing at me like I am... sometimes I just want to blurt out to people that I am not a kid so they could treat me with some respect. Then again... maybe not. I've been told to think about what my dreams are and to look forward to accomplishing my goals- I mentioned earlier that I don't want to give up... but I let everyone's perceptions stand in the way. I don't want to dwindle in what cannot be changed but I need the self-confidence to step up to the plate for a change and give my height a break!