Love and Courtship, then and now
02/23/2009
I was in for a treat today because the Reading class prepared and performed skits about traditional and modern Vietnamese courtship practices. The first skit featured a father who wanted "mon-ney," his wife who wanted to be told she was beautiful, and a daughter who drank "Elephant Milk" so she would be tall. The family went to the pagoda on the first day of the New Year to pray for health, happiness, success, and a husband for their daughter. On the boat ride to the pagoda (pictured here), they met a young man who later came to call upon the family. The parents sent their daughter to her room and each night he sat in the living room with them, watching television. Finally he had the courage to ask if he might speak with her. By this time, the family knew him, so they gave permission. As the students explained to me, a man had to be very patient and diligent under the traditional system of courtship.
During the break a young woman of eighteen, who is from a small village, explained to me that the old ways still prevail in the countryside where there are no teashops or activities for young people. A young man still must call upon the girl's family if he wishes to spend time with her. The student further explained that families keep a very close watch on their daughters because if they were to get pregnant before marriage everyone would blame the parents for their poor parenting skills. She said they couldn't even go to the market without someone criticizing them. I asked how her parents felt about her coming to college and she said that they used to call almost every night to see if she was in her room. As they grew to trust her more, the calls became less frequent. I asked if she would go out with a boy, if asked, and she said she would have to ask her parents first, and if they said no she wouldn't go.
The second group chose to enact a panel discussion about courtship in the 21st century. The moderator, pictured here, alternated between asking questions of the men and the women, who talked about how customs have changed now that Vietnam is opening its doors to other cultures. I was surprised to hear a number of students express that they preferred the old fashionied values, and that they think courtship today is too fast, too practical, and too materialistic (and not romantic). Another said that the quick courtship was not really love because a strong feeling of love needs time to develop, step by step. I really appreciate the insights these students shared with me today!
After class I went to buy some eggs. This involved walking down the street and stopping several places to inquire about the price. Last week I bought eggs for 1,500 dong apiece. Tonight I was quoted from 3,000 to 7,500 per egg, proof that prices really are variable. A student from the dorm happened along and helped me buy 3 for 5,000, which he still thought was too high, but I was ready to call it a night.
If I haven't mentioned it before, Nha Trang University will be celebrating its 50th anniversary this year. Classes are not known as the "Class of 2009," but rather as Class 47 (which means that this year's senior class will be the 47th to graduate from the school). Class 50 consists of the students who began studying at the university last fall. And that's all for tonight!
