2011 Blogs

What does NICOLE want?

02/24/2012

"... These feelings have forced me to say, 'What does NICOLE want?' Well, I want several things, millions of dollars would be nice. Throwing money on the floor and rolling around in it sounds fun..."

As of lately, time has been flying by. I have really been trying not to get lost in the shuffle. I have been in a constant daze; with one blink it seems as if four hours have gone by. You're probably thinking I need to see a therapist, haha. I can assure you, I will pull through.

I spent last Friday in Cincinnati, Ohio. I dropped off issues of Radius Magazine (along with IU East goodies) for Mayor Mark Mallory and spoke with the Director of Public Affairs (Jason Barron) for a bit. It was great to meet one of the new interns (who also happened to be from Indiana University) and catch up with Jason.

Afterward, Sam, one of the interns from my group, met me at City Hall and we walked downtown for dinner. It was awesome catching up with him. Honestly, it felt as if we had never separated. We immediately started talking about music, concerts, careers and all of the things that used to consume our conversations. If you have read my previous blogs, you know that my intern group was extremely close. We share a great connection.

Sam (former intern for the Mayor of Cincinnati) and me at Fountain Square

My life has been rerouted and I cannot say I completely dislike it. I realize the displacement I am feeling is only temporary. As weird as it sounds, I am attempting to embrace it. I know there is so much to gain from this experience and I will only be a stronger person because of it. These feelings have forced me to say, "What does NICOLE want?"

Well, I want several things, millions of dollars would be nice. Throwing money on the floor and rolling around in it sounds fun. But really, I want to continue to strengthen my sense of self. I recently had a brief Rorschach Inkblot analysis done (in one of my psychology courses), and was told my perception of reality is a lot different than most. I have always felt this way, but had nothing to make me consider it being true. This brought about two thoughts: 1) How the heck do other people view life? 2) Can this benefit me?

From the time I was little, I have always felt like I am on a very direct path (another thing that was brought up during my analysis). This path is never ending and leads to a destination that is unknown. Although my feelings toward religion may contradict it, this path has never been lonely. It helps that I have amazing people in my life.

"What does NICOLE want?"

"What does NICOLE want?" I want to be surrounded by positive people, avoid self-pity, take a few moments each day to appreciate what I do have (rather than what I do not), do nice things for myself, be honest with myself, and find humor in as many situations as I can. I want to stay healthy (mentally and physically), follow in the footsteps of those I look up to (many of which are at Indiana University East), excel at a career I love, and never stop perfecting my trade. I want to start over in a new city, explore what the world has to offer, and open my mind as much as possible.

Unfortunately, these things come with a cost. As many of you already know, college sometimes comes with letting go of those who used to be extremely close to you. I have reached a stage in my development where I have started cutting ties with certain people (some of which I have been friends with since middle school). These people no longer understand my mindset or my idea of growth, and they have hindered my ability to stay focused. I am not the most graceful at cutting ties, especially when I am under an extreme amount of stress, but I would not take it back for the world. I still have so many people standing beside me who truly understand. Never let people get in the way of your dreams. Never let anyone influence how you see yourself or your path in life.

A lot of reflection has made me realize there are a lot of people in this world that make great life lessons, but not great friends.

Video next time.